OK, so they’re not rats. Rats are worse. I’m not denying that. Yet. But when Anirban posted about the disturbing upward rat trend in Bombay, I got to thinking about the squirrel problem in my neighborhood.
Somebody on Google Answers estimates an over 1-billion squirrel population in the U.S., which makes for about 3 squirrels per person. But that includes places like Hawaii where there are no squirrels at all (caution: just made that up), and lots of undeveloped, woodland areas, where 1 or 2 squirrels may roam far and have all the territory they want, and there aren’t millions of Big Mac wrappers and bread crumbs on the streets to sustain a population boom like we have near my house.
The most recent squirrel-trauma I experienced was the unexpected explosion of a squirrel from my garbage can. I approached can, garbage in hand, and opened the lid only to have a squirrel—from inside the can, mind you—fly out at my face at high velocity. Luckily, I protected myself my flinging my garbage in a circle around the back-yard, but it was an all-around close call.
Both the apartments upstairs in our house have had multiple forced-entry squirrel invasions. I’m not joking around here. Teams of squirrels have gnawed through the window-screens and gone traipsing around the apartments, burglarizing whatever they want at all hours.
So I present to you:
1. Rodents
2. Who are dirty and go through the garbage
3. Who gnaw through things with sharp, hard teeth
4. Who steal food from your house
5. Whose numbers grow like that other great human plague, the bunnies
What’s the difference? Furry tail v. naked tail? Big effin’deal, I say. Add to the squirrel column their ability to live in the trees and to fly, and they might even be worse than the rats.
see-through-the-shit vision 